Gentleness and Self-Control: The last two fruits are Gentleness and self-control. I could talk about them separately but it makes more sense to put them together and here is why, the only way to maintain gentleness is to have self-control. The two are very closely intertwined and I don't believe you can have one without the other. Gentleness or it's Greek root praotes is more closely translated as meekness. The difference lies in the definition. Gentle is described as: kind, amiable, not rough or violent, while meek is defined as, humbly patient or docile under provocation. Which is what I believe was being written about because it goes right along with the definition of self-control or temperance , moderation or self-restraint in action, statement, etc. In order to be considered gentle we have to also have self-control.
I believe that isn't so much about something we put out there but how we react to what is already there. Here in lies the trouble, because I cannot think of one person who hasn't at one time or another reacted badly to a situation. Being "even tempered" is a big struggle for me. I like to describe myself as a passionate person. When I'm excited I'm loud, when I'm mad I'm louder. I find that when I don't talk daily with God and cultivate my relationship with him, I find it very hard to control even the smallest of reactions. Silly things that shouldn't bother me do and my mouth often gets away from me. Often I know it's right as soon as it comes out of my mouth but there is no way to take it back. The reading that I have done has convinced me I must cling to meekness and self-control with all my might because it could be my undoing. Meekness is not weak as some people would describe being gentle. There are plenty of people that see gentle and immediately thing pushover, or as my husband likes to call them tree-huggin' hippies. But In reality meekness is the stronger person. The person who even though they would like to rip your head off they give you a chance to speak. The person who has been listening to all your complaining and blaming and takes it with a smile. See it's much easier to just throw caution to the wind and hoot and holler till you fall down from exhaustion. In fact this kind of venting often feels good. It can make you feel powerful. Like you have the ability to make the world stop and look at you. Don't be seduced, it's a trap and a cycle that is hard to break.
I pride myself on being honest. I don't lie and I try not to pretend or ignore situations that I am uncomfortable with or bother me. This would be fine accept that my way of announcing my discomfort is often not well thought through. I have discovered this is the deal, If I fly off the handle when someone does me wrong then I'm wrong too. Now I have to apologize even though it was someone else who hurt me. It is not very Christ like for me to react in this way. It doesn't say I am an example that God would be proud to display as a Christian soldier. So as I read over this subject I am compelled to ask the holy spirit to bless me with divine meekness and self-control. I need to think and pray before I speak. I need to be mindful of how my body language is betraying my feelings. I need to calm down and decide how Christ would react in my situation. I want someone someday to say, she showed God's love and her commitment to him by her meekness. Her ability to perform under pressure. I don't want anyone to ever be afraid to approach me based on what they think my reaction might be. I don't want to be a volcano, an angry woman out for revenge. Ok that's a little dramatic but you know what I'm getting at.
Self-control is very important for another fact as well, its easy to misconstrue feelings. I had a conversation with my husband the other day where he told me that he was too tired to go somewhere with me because he was running on only 4 hours of sleep. I told him that was fine I would go by myself. Now if I had the self-control to control my actions ie, facial expression and tone of my voice, it wouldn't have been a big deal. Later he told me he didn't like to tell me things like that sometimes because he was worried about my reaction . Now I wasn't even mad. I was just disappointed because I was looking forward to spending time with him, but because of the way I reacted (not thinking first) It appeared to him that I was angry. I don't blame him for taking me wrong, it was obviously because of something I did but for the life of me I cant think of what it was. That is why self-control is so important. If I was in total control of myself I would know exactly what happened because I would have thought and prayed about what I was doing to begin with. Because I just reacted on the fly I don't even remember what my reaction really was. Small things like that can really hurt others. We have to be mindful of everything we portray because it maybe mistaken for something it's not. Now that might happen anyway but at least if you are in control of your own actions you will know that you did your best to do the right thing.
It is still one of my biggest stumbling blocks. but I'm going to keep trying because it matters to me. I am by no means going to become crazily compliant and let people run all over me but I can work on filling my actions and reactions with love and welding a gentle but firmly rooted personality to exemplify Christ.
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